What was once Texas, Shall now be known as Merlandia!
We all remember that fun loving judge from Texas who declared civil war if Obama was re-elected… right?!
Well, it’s the day after yesterday and guess what Judge…. That ole’ bastard did it again.
Tom Head, in light of the situation thought it be more practical to just up and move Texas to another location all together…. So that’s what they have done, leaving the once known Texas, the once 28th State of the United States of America at the perils of a vast move into their own country known as The Republic O’ Cowboys; set to relocate around the south pole region south of Australia.
What does this mean for the newly found prime real estate of what was once Texas. It’s in cahoots that US Vice President Biden is in talks with the merpeople of the Mediterranean Sea about renting this now water filled area between the US and Mexico to their people, making in known as Merlandia.
Where The Robot Factory Went Wrong With The Model “C” Women…
Yes that’s right. Girls, we’re all flipping nuts! It just depends on what varying degree. You know it (unless your in an elitist sexist religion in which you are convinced you are the chosen one, and nothing gets better than you, except men), I know it, men know it, heck I’m sure extraterrestrial life knows it. It’s just the way we were built. There I said it, I blame science. It’s just to what varying degree to which the crazy mixes with complete and utter stupidity. When stupidity is added into the mix, it is a recipe for disaster. Now I’m not saying stupidity amongst younger ladies (adolescents even up to the early 20′s or so) should be confused with being naive. We all start off naive. It’s just when we hit those crossroads in which we either learn from our mistakes, or continue t make the same damn mistake well into our 30′s, 40′s and beyond. That’s when it becomes an issue of stupidity.
Listen, I’m not saying I am perfect. To say so would be complete hypocrisy. I’ll even throw my own self under the bus to set examples. I have dated the struggling musician (more often then I’d like to admit but I broke that habit before I hit my twenties), the guy in the music industry, the hipster, the art student, the confused about his sexuality, the clown, and the most recent of my exes the “charming accent from a different country” (side note: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THESE). I have had my heart broken and broken hearts. But from each experience, I have moved on and learned from my mistakes enough to know NOT TO GO BACK TO THE SAME TYPE. I swear to Allah though (sense the irony of that statement), honestly SOME GIRLS ARE METAPHORICAL SELF CUTTERS. There is a wonderful song by The Dresden Dolls that illustrate this type perfectly. Allow me to demonstrate by posting Miss Palmers lyrics:
delilah
there’s no end to the love you can give
when you change your point of view to underfoot
very good
you may be flat but you’re breathing
and there’s no doubt he’s at home in his room
probably watching porn of you from the fall
it’s last call
and you’re the last one leaving
and you thought you could change the world
by opening your legs
well it isn’t very hard
try kicking them instead
and you thought you could change his mind
by changing your perfume to the kind his mother wore
o god delilah why?
i never met a more impossible girl….
in this same bar where you slammed down your hand
and said “Amanda, i’m in love”
no you’re not
you’re just a sucker for the ones who use you
and it doesn’t matter what i say or do
the stupid bastard’s gonna have his way with you…
you’re an unrescuable schizo
or else you’re on the rag
if you take him back
i’m gonna lose my nerve
i never met a more impossible girl….
i never met a more impossible girl….
at four o’clock he got off
and you called up
“i’m down at denny’s on route one
and you won’t guess what he’s done”
is that a fact delilah?
larry tap let you in through the back
and use his calling card again
for a quick hand of gin
you are impossible, delilah: the princess of denial
and after 7 years in advertising you are none the wiser
you’re an unrescuable schizo
or else you’re on the rag
cause if you take him back
i’m gonna lose my nerve
he’s gonna beat you like a pillow
you schizos never learn
and if you take him home
you’ll get what you deserve
so don’t cry delilah
you’re still alive delilah
you need a ride delilah?
let’s see how fast this thing can go…..
What Your Cupcakes Say About YOU!!!
We all love cupcakes…. But what do yours say about you!!!
Well Hello Jeffrey Dahmer… and how are you today sirr. Would you like a bloody cupcake with that bludgeoned hitchhiker’s corpse you plan to have sex with? › Continue reading
The (Not-So) Sanctity of (the concept of) Marriage
Though I will get flack for being “biased” due to my own current divorce that replicates what I could imagine no other what should be described at an of the World Wars, any thoughts and beliefs I share in this post are long dated opinions before I myself went through the whole marriage ordeal. These opinions have only been justified with the dissolution of my current predicament. So here it goes, my Editorial on the (not-so) sanctity of (the concept of) marriage:
For those of you who have once been or currently are in a pretty decent relationship outside of marriage who have never been married before, I have one question to ask you: What EXACTLY do you hope to achieve from marriage besides one of the three; a huge debt due to an elaborate party which focuses on the female (obviously not the case in same sex marriages but in many cases) and causes months of stress on the male as the female freaks out about planning this one day that will be over sooner than a sneeze can be achieved, a contract that will make it next to near impossible to get out of if there are any irreconcilable differences or any party is at fault for adultery, habitual intemperance, so on and so forth (listen, if one of the parties is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat; no piece of paper is going to change that), or finally the most logical of all three, for tax purposes (which in this day and age that doesn’t even send you a huge chunk of change as the federal and state governments are trying to screw you over every which way). Just like age where many people believe they’re going to wake up one day and feel “more mature and wiser,” there will be no actual feeling effect the day after you get married. Yet, people, generally the female population, seem to force it so.
Case and point on many issues. First of all, just because you marry a man, this gives you ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO ACT LIKE YOUR HITLER OF THE 3RD REICH AND ACT LIKE A HUGE BITCH BY TAKING AWAY ANY JOY OR HOBBY THEY HAD BEFORE MARRIAGE. This annoys me to NO RETURN. Ok, once you have kids, yeah maybe he shouldn’t be going on a 2 week vacation to vegas with the buddies while your stuck home with the kids, or maybe after there’s a ring on your finger he shouldn’t be spending every Friday and Saturday night with the guys at the strip clubs. BUT SERIOUSLY… you knew exactly EXACTLY what you were getting into BEFORE YOU MARIED HIM… it’s you OWN DAMN FAULT for thinking a ring would change of that… IDIOT! Back to the point. Just because he puts a ring on your finger, gives you no right to take away his video games, take away his sports, take away his hobbies as long as they obey the confines of a marriage under law (aka no donkey fucking), no being a huge raving bitch and trying to control his every move.
That said, seriously guys… what the heck did you think you were getting yourself into when you slapped that ring on your finger… Ok yes if you are the first out of all your friends to do so maybe you have some excuse to say, “I didn’t know.” But after you watch all your friends get married and realize a continuing pattern, you’d think you learned your lesson. Yes, no one wants to be completely alone, but do you want to be with someone who completely takes all joy out of your life for the rest of your being or till divorce do you part? Whats the lesser of two evils here?
And all the added bonuses to being in a relationship as opposed to essentially giving up after marriage is as follows: › Continue reading
DAVE NAVARRO’S HUGE ASS HEAD
I can not help but make this post about how insanely LARGE Dave Navarro’s head is in comparison to his body. He seriously looks like a bobble head and it bothers me immensely. I am not quite sure how his neck is supportive this massive planet on top of it, but it’s a bit haunting. Look at the similarities between Mister Potato head and Navarro… They practically look like twins. Yes I understand he is a rock GOD, but I don’t care for him because of his head. There are plenty of musicians out there who have god complexes that I respect and love, so that has nothing to do it. Billy Corgan I am pretty sure believes he IS god, and I think he’s great. Kurt Cobain thought he was god, and though I don’t CARE for him, I don’t HATE him and he doesn’t disturb me. Thom Yorke, God Complex and I love him. Amanda Palmer… well no God Complex, but she comes off as a bit pretentious to those who don’t understand her and I am pretty much head over heels in love with her. Seriously, it’s just Navarro’s HUGE PUMPKIN HEAD that annoys me. Maybe it’s just because I feel it compliments his HIGE EGO way to much. COME NAVARRO, AT LEAST FIT THAT FAT HEAD THROUGH A DOOR! So now I have shared with you my complete utter disdain for Navarro’s alien head, I now can rest a happier person. End Rant.
Mr Potato Head is more proportionate than Navarro!
Navarro’s HUGE HEAD!
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